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Saturday, June 9, 2007

The Negatives

Recently, I’ve been doing things against my principles. It was so unbecoming that it only left me with a heavy heart. I know for a fact that I am mean – yes! Meaner than you thought I was. I don’t listen cos I’m stubborn. I don’t keep grudges but I don’t also make something to fill in the gaps. I can beat up a person easily and relatively bruised them. I am not scared of a fight cos I’m so used to it. There was a time when my mom slapped me cos I got myself into a ridiculous relationship with a guy that she didn’t even know. My mom was so frustrated that she had to lock me in my room. Funny, cos when I thought about those days – the hair at the back of my neck stood up by goosebumps. (Eww!) Perhaps I was just a child then. My mom didn’t know that I had 3 boyfriends at a time. It was just; she caught me with the guy, that is. My story is moderately extraordinary – from rich to pauper (heh). But I won’t concentrate on that cos that status of my life is so long time ago and is perfectly useless.

I am stupid. And I couldn’t agree more about it. If there is someone more stupid than me, I don’t think I can describe him cos most probably, he’ll get an award from me for beating me. I love my mom but I always disobey. I’m not the obedient kind of child that will just do what is told. I was a kid who does the opposites. I talk back to my elder sis and fight back to my elder bro. If not for mom, they will, for sure, hit me to death. But I know they won’t, no matter how I provoked them, cos they knew I can file a case against them.

I am jerk. Say it man! (jeez) Whatever is best for me is already laid on the table. I have these merciful bunches of people who’s willing to offer their unconditional love for me – but ironically, I can’t see them – I’m still looking away, pretending they don’t exist and that, I’m all alone.

When I’m mad, I am really mad. I pout and don’t laugh. I curse and I talk loud. I don’t give a damn what the person (I fought with) think about – I want them to see, to know, to hear and to feel that I’m flaming. I even willing to have a cat fight if necessary and keen to punch if needed. Yes, I am despicable. So what?

Some people hate me, some people like me. Some people love the way I acted, some people got irritated. Some people appreciate me, some people extremely dislike me. But who am I to please them and who are they to be pleased either?

Whichever you think I am better and whatever you think I’m capable of, it’s your own judgment. I don’t care about what you think cos my negatives are mine – and that’s what made me. I am evil but also an angel in disguise. heh =)

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posted by Yesha Gee at Saturday, June 09, 2007-
  • At June 12, 2007 at 5:32 AM, Anonymous musicasaid…

    everyone of us, has our own negative sides ... its part of who we are, the person that we are ... being accepted by others despite your unlovable side makes you "lucky" ... lucky to be understood, accepted, appreciated, and loved ... i hope next time, you won't brag (sorry for the term) about your negas...mura man gud proud na hinuon ka ... bleehhhh

  • At June 12, 2007 at 8:36 AM, Blogger Limesaid…

    is all your cards laid out in the open now simple...?
    bitaw..i also have this side of me that most of the time im not really proud of...but its a part of us..although i know my family have accepted me and all of me...its my prerogative to control it for the sake of those I love and those who loves beeing accepted and loved for who i am doesnt mean i dont need to change..being a brat may sound sosyal at times (well for me that is) but it wouldnt sound good if my family hears it...
    again i believe in balance...give and take ...

  • At June 14, 2007 at 12:41 PM, Anonymous charissaid…

    there is sunrise and sunset, day and night, yin yang....etc.

    during physics' days we got "in every action there is an equal reaction" concept, which is true.

    normal lng jud ng negative sa depends on how we look on it...finding the brighter part of it.just dont look on /feel it too much, bka it will overpower you.kaya let's talk the + side na pud! =)

    tama, balance jud! =)

    "there is a secret godliness in everyone"

  • At June 14, 2007 at 1:07 PM, Blogger simpleyesasaid…

    If you guys think i'm proud of it, perhaps i can say a bit yes. But do not worry, i know how to balance (i suppose you guys can attest to it).

    I have no bitterness inside, the entry is to show the negative side of me, since i looked at it as positive. I'm not a spoiled brat and i never grew up that way. I use to make my own ways to have what i wanted, all at a very young age.

    Beyond that, i don't think my negatives will pull me down. My negatives helped me (in so many ways). I am not proud of it but i can boast that my negatives helped me out with my tough life.

    Yes, musica, i thank all the people who were there for me.. and i'm so lucky to have them in my life.


  • At June 14, 2007 at 8:01 PM, Anonymous mudburnsaid…

    there's just certain things that make us who we are.

    it's just nice that we, deep within ourselves knows that these things composes our being...

    nice post. ;)

  • At June 20, 2007 at 10:24 AM, Blogger Ukaya Explorer Nikoysaid…

    psst. it's one thing to be independent but you don't have to be disobedient to your mom to be independent.

    knowing your short comings is a good start, i think. at least you know which qualities/ characteristics you should adjust.

    pero knowing your negatives and still not changing/ toning them down just to show that you don't care about what other people say is not good. it's actually caring about what they say by proving that you don't care about what they say. o diba.hehe.

  • At June 22, 2007 at 3:30 PM, Blogger jayreesaid…

    all of us have our own up's and down's in life..
    live life the fullest and be yourself always..
    learn from your past..
    experience is always the best teacher.. nice post simple..
    i can relate to this too..

  • At June 25, 2007 at 2:25 PM, Anonymous yesasaid…

    I honestly don't have a clue who you are --- but thanks for posting and thank you for giving the 'negative' a bright light. =p

    "it's actually caring about what they say by proving that you don't care about what they say."
    ^ ohhh, i'll take that cos partly i'm hit!

    Yeah, i am normal right? haha, your post just told so. So, i think, i'm fine. Thanks to life.. and thanks to your post.

    Anyway, i'm lazy to login so i used 'other' instead. =p

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from ~~~~~~~~

You told Your close followers
who were taught how to seek the Father's heart
that whatever they asked for in prayer,
that they were to believe they received it
and it would be theirs. (Mark 11:24)

O, Father, help me to know Your heart intimately
so that I'll know how to pray,
what to pray,
and believe in advance
that I will receive it!

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