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Friday, April 13, 2007

the Search for what is Missing

My life is as simple as ABC but I always complicate it with the squared of XYZ. I couldn’t even tell what is missing cos I have no idea – if there is to expect. I’ve been manipulating these ABC’s with XYZ’s – in finding what is there ahead of me. I know that the constant C has the value of 3 – Yes, the number 3. My life went aboard, seafaring and sailing to gather anything I could bear and I could get. I know the Alphabet have numbers assigned to it, A for 1, B for 2, constant C for 3 and so on until it hits the ending of Z for 26.

The equation of my life was simple as I knew it to be. I’d always thought it was just A + B + C; unfortunately, not just the XYZ set hurdles but rather the squared of them. See how silly of me?

Experience is equal to the value of Z minus the sum of A, B and C. I know, I know, my experience should be bigger than anything I could calculate but Experience is just a portion of what I am looking – a fulfillment I can’t even tell. Should I snorkeling or even diving – to explore the sea of confusion and shadow?

I’ve been dealing about Love my whole life cos I am longing to be loved more than I could love someone. I long for someone who’ll show me love – caress me, hug me, and kiss me. But Love is just the difference of Y and X, added to the square of B. I am not desperate cos I am not really searching. Love can wait; afterall, I’m not ready. I’m still young. All I wanted is to be loved by anyone – anybody special to me.

I have Hope as I always been. I wouldn’t have dream and aim if I did not have that. To fulfill or to fail is something I can’t predict but as long as the hope is there – I have nothing to worry about, really! Hope is the summation of the squares of A, B and C, sum multiplied by B, added to the sum of X, Y, and Z, deducted by the always constant C of me.

If you add my Experience, Love and Hope – you will get my Life. My life is easy yet it’s thorny. How would I know if what I am doing right now is the ‘what’ I’ve been dreaming about? Can I think about my own being? Was my life enough?

My Being is the sum of the squared of my Experience, the squared of my Love and the square-root of my Hope. I thought my Being is my tool to discover and to unravel what is there for me. I always contemplate it that way. But am I sure about it? Am I looking straight or I am just blinding myself?

It’s easy to say Being is ‘it is’. But I have to multiply the Being with the constant C to find the ‘Self’ – and I can’t define self. I’ve been to a forum that debates about it but I only read words from the mouths and terms for the mind. Did they even dig deeper to their soul to understand? Or I still have to multiply the ‘Self’ by the constant C to see.

Multiplying the Self by the C helps me to pause and think. No need, but groupings will do. Yes! grouping shows. I group the value of ‘Self’ into two (group not divide) and I was amazed to learn that I’ve been missing a lot of my life. I am looking, searching, pointing, and even probing just to know what is it there. I took the important thing for granted. How funny it is to look so far – where I can always ask those 2 groups of the ‘Self’ to tell what it is there to check.

Have you ever read between the lines? Did you dig what I try to convey? Or maybe your mind is too narrow and you quickly gave up to simply miss it? Life is like a Math – it has calculations whether you’ll take it simple or not.

So, what were those 2 groups that come from the calculated Self? ASK the Alphabet and write it capitalized. Oh yeah, I advice you get a paper, a pen, and a calculator – you need it for the calculations.

God Bless Us!

~ phew

posted by Yesha Gee at Friday, April 13, 2007-

THE HEART SPEAKS

from ~~~~~~~~

DEAR JESUS,
who were taught how to seek the Father's heart
that whatever they asked for in prayer,
that they were to believe they received it
and it would be theirs. (Mark 11:24)

O, Father, help me to know Your heart intimately
so that I'll know how to pray,
what to pray,

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