Recently, I’ve been doing things against my principles. It was so unbecoming that it only left me with a heavy heart. I know for a fact that I am mean – yes! Meaner than you thought I was. I don’t listen cos I’m stubborn. I don’t keep grudges but I don’t also make something to fill in the gaps. I can beat up a person easily and relatively bruised them. I am not scared of a fight cos I’m so used to it. There was a time when my mom slapped me cos I got myself into a ridiculous relationship with a guy that she didn’t even know. My mom was so frustrated that she had to lock me in my room. Funny, cos when I thought about those days – the hair at the back of my neck stood up by goosebumps. (Eww!) Perhaps I was just a child then. My mom didn’t know that I had 3 boyfriends at a time. It was just; she caught me with the guy, that is. My story is moderately extraordinary – from rich to pauper (heh). But I won’t concentrate on that cos that status of my life is so long time ago and is perfectly useless.

I am stupid. And I couldn’t agree more about it. If there is someone more stupid than me, I don’t think I can describe him cos most probably, he’ll get an award from me for beating me. I love my mom but I always disobey. I’m not the obedient kind of child that will just do what is told. I was a kid who does the opposites. I talk back to my elder sis and fight back to my elder bro. If not for mom, they will, for sure, hit me to death. But I know they won’t, no matter how I provoked them, cos they knew I can file a case against them.

I am jerk. Say it man! (jeez) Whatever is best for me is already laid on the table. I have these merciful bunches of people who’s willing to offer their unconditional love for me – but ironically, I can’t see them – I’m still looking away, pretending they don’t exist and that, I’m all alone.

When I’m mad, I am really mad. I pout and don’t laugh. I curse and I talk loud. I don’t give a damn what the person (I fought with) think about – I want them to see, to know, to hear and to feel that I’m flaming. I even willing to have a cat fight if necessary and keen to punch if needed. Yes, I am despicable. So what?

Some people hate me, some people like me. Some people love the way I acted, some people got irritated. Some people appreciate me, some people extremely dislike me. But who am I to please them and who are they to be pleased either?

Whichever you think I am better and whatever you think I’m capable of, it’s your own judgment. I don’t care about what you think cos my negatives are mine – and that’s what made me. I am evil but also an angel in disguise. heh =)