It makes my heart heavy and lonely, I think… but the blame is on me.
I wish I am good enough. How I wish, I am really really really good enough.
I used to be so confident, used to be so passionate. But I have flaws, and that's what they only see. Sad reality, but those people always look at what they think you CAN NOT do.
There’s none to blame though but myself. If only I spent extra effort to learn. If only I tried to learn more and more and more, perhaps things would have happened differently. It wouldn’t be this humiliating. It wouldn’t be this frustrating. It wouldn’t make me feel so small, so helpless, so worthless and uncapable.
I admit, I don’t have enough qualification and skills, so by myself… I am absolutely nothing.
Clearly, only by God’s grace… I will succeed. No other way. So help me God.