I am not a writer nor a poet and such but writing helps me. When I’m sad and lost, a paper and pen comfort me. I have no particular topic to write with but whatever I wrote in that piece of paper is a soothing relief to my heart. Some people find it odd cos I oftentimes cried while writing. There’s something about them that reminds me “I am who I am”. The paper doesn’t talk, but it carries the entire burden I have inside me. The pen doesn’t talk either, but it wipes away all my sadness. Yes, I am a very emotional person, I could say. I hate being sad, I just hate it; and I can’t stand it. I am not alone cos my friends and family surrounds me but I feel empty – really empty.
Labels: feelings, loneliness, papers, pen, sadness
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I’ve been out of school for so many years, that’s 3 years to be exact. Now that I’m back to school, I really thought it would be easy. However, ‘work plus school’ is never a scoop of ice cream. I work at 8am to 5pm and had a class at 6.30pm to 9.30pm EVERYDAY. I was very enthusiastic about it when i had the first period of class – and yes, it is a lecture period. Right there and then, we have a paper work due the next evening; imagine that?! I told myself it’s better this way cos I’m really doing my best to finish my paper. Wow, I’m back to researching and studying. Didn’t I complain (awhile back) that my brain idled while not doing anything for the past years? Jeez, I did not complain, again, it is NOT a protest. It’s my first paper afterall, so no acrimony. My first paper was handwritten bcos our teacher wanted to submit it in ‘quiz sheet’ (wth is it?). OK, quiz sheet – it is a paper used for quizzes and papers purposely made for students for that particular department or college at that certain University. Fine! I bought 5 sheets and started writing, and that’s where I started whining. Surprisingly, I don’t know how to write using a pen anymore. My penmanship is terrible. My right hand is already numb. I wrote a total of 3 pages for that paper. I recheck my handwriting after and obviously, I am not pleased. When was the last time I wrote something that really long? All I can remember is signing thousands of students’ grades to be released – aside from that, nothing. Moaning doesn’t end there, bcos right after I submitted my first paper, 2 papers are up again and due after 3 and 5 days respectively – that’s aside from another paper due on the same date as one of the book. I have to read Sun Tzu’s Art of War and Musashi’s Book of 5 Rings and make a paper about it. Yes, I read books but I only read books that caught my interest and most of it was fiction, love story and scientific fiction – factual books and philosophy are so out of my league. But what else I could do about it – nothing (right?!), but READ. I finished my other Management theorist and theories paper (that is due tonight) and miss the Art of War’s paper. I’d like to shout, ‘WHO CARES?’ but I just can’t cos I CARE. Damnit! I really hope my teacher will allow an extension cos I really had a hard time looking for the book. I’ve found an e-copy this morning, read it while making my other management paper. I’m so occupied. Though my mind is really working, as in LITERALLY working, 2 papers due tonight ate me to death. Actually, I had a small piece to submit about the Art of War if in case my professor won’t give me extension. Well, at least, have a little to submit. So, here I am now – preparing to take off for school. It is already 5.30pm on my clock and I have 1 hour more to go. If you think, getting your ass back to school is great, I’d say – YES, it is! It’s challenging and demanding; such pressure sweats you and you don’t realized you’re (as if) heading back to your college life cramming to make papers done in a last minute... and it's so cool! TRIVIA for the day! I finally able to go back to a library…. And errr, to research! Isn’t it amazing? =p Labels: art of war, book of 5 rings, books, library, musashi, papers, student, Sun tzu, university
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