Will i ever justify myself for doing something just to mend my broken heart?
I never planned to feel something for him. The feelings sprouted like mushrooms – no warning, no signal – dominating my fragile heart. Indeed, one-sided love is the most painful – It hurts you slowly but sharply.
Being ignored is something i can’t bear. I must admit, i am an attention seeker. To him, i am the worst attention seeker. And he intentionally keep on ignoring me. I can’t even imagine how many times i cried because of him. It is absurd because i don’t have the ground to cry. Why would I cry because of him? He doesn’t even recognise me! He doesn’t see me! Otukajo? But my heart, like a sponge, was squeezed to its last drop, i cant even tell if i’m hurt, or sad, or upset, or simply being dumb and lunatic. There is no reason for me to be like this! It is me alone, i am loving on my own.
Somehow, i wish he’ll read this; know my feelings at least. I will not expect anything from him anymore. After what i ‘did’, i will put myself to test, no more of him. I should cut ties with him. I must accept the fact that no matter how much i like him, i should stop.
Dear Mr You-Know-Who-You-Are,
You, yes, YOU!
Though it took me long to see what my eyes can’t see, yet i can’t say i am grateful about it – remember you called me ‘desperate one’? I may not have the courage to say this, and may never will in the future, but just hear me out this time, i must admit, i truly like you.
I don’t need to hear anything from you cos i may not be able to bear it. You don’t like me, you even hate me – these are enough reasons . I should stop.
In due time, this feelings will go.