I took a break Wednesday and went to visit my mom in the province. It wasn’t actually a break; I got sick so I had to take some rest. I thought I could handle additional pressures to my already-pressured-life, yet I came to a realization that no matter how willing my mind is, the body just can’t. I broke down Wednesday morning before leaving for work. So I asked my boyfriend to drive me to the province, to grasp some fresh air and to visit my mom as well.

Planning to take a deep rest, my getaway turned out to be more stressful. My sister Amor told me that part of our ancestral lot is open for bidding by the next day. What hurt me most; the bidding includes my 1640 square meter inheritance lot. I don’t exactly know what I feel that day; I just felt my tears kept falling. What have I done to my other sister why she had to pull my share? History puts back again. Rumor has it that my sister Alma forged my signature to prove that I donated my share to her. I was just a kid then, 10 years old. How could someone ruin a kid’s future? I have 2 equal lots under my name, the one is open for bidding, and the other one is for lease. I was really brokenhearted.

Later in the afternoon, I went back to the city, went straight to the Public Attorney’s Office and asked for advice. I became more hopeless cos I will definitely lose the case. My older sister claimed to be my guardian, proved that I signed the donation (forged or not, they said I totally lost it) and all I could do is to redeem it. Redeeming means I have to pay the loan, but where the hell I could get 50,000 dollars? If only I’m a good gambler and a very lucky one, I could gamble.

Life is full of surprises. If dad didn’t die early, where will I be now? If my siblings haven’t subdivided the lot before I reached 18, what would we be? If my older sister haven’t scammed us, are we still what we are? These are surprises that may cause bitterness. Something I wouldn’t want, something I couldn’t take.

Thurdays, Aug 9, 2007, I had messy thoughts. I’m hurt, badly hurt. My eyes were swelling; my body and mind were tired. I don’t want to go work but I have to. What else I can do? I can’t file a case against my sister and the bank. I am simply an example of someone really unfortunate – unlucky to have siblings like what I’ve had.

Oh please, don’t cry with me. I don’t need your pity; all I ask is your ear.

Labels: bitterness, family, hurt, life, pain

posted by Yesha Gee at Monday, August 13, 2007-