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Tuesday, February 27, 2007


I’m a victim of my own fantasy. I was and am desperate on the things I wanted to possess in the future. Long list of these aspirations frustrates me in a simplest thing I shouldn’t. When in the car – making my way home or going to work – with a music played in my media player, my fancy stories starting to play – welcomed my daydreaming.

My possessions are not simple – it’s gigantic and it’s challenging. There are times I prayed to God that he’ll bless me to win in a lottery; however, how will I be – I don’t buy lottery tickets. I even made a move to audition in various competitions – for one, the PBB – I’m always was unfortunate.

My mom told me to take steps at a time – but I just couldn’t. I’m not getting any younger. Personal matters can always be placed at the very least priority, but a dream to fulfill should be taken seriously. My mom knew everything I dreamed of – from the smallest to the biggest. My mom is also not getting any younger – she’s getting older and older every year. God knows how I planned to take her on a tour around the world – to enjoy a bit of her life before it’s too late; and this is giving me more and more frustrations cos I don’t have any idea how to cope up with my stupid aspirations.

When I was young, I promised to myself that I’ll gonna buy a big house – give it to my mom so that she’ll be happy. All the luxuries and lavishness a person could dream are my inner most lushness.

Am I that stupid to dream this big? Before, I strongly reckon of its realistic fantasy- for I assumed it is reachable. Now, i'm in my twenties – and still striving. My dreams are way too far away. I don’t even know now if I possibly hit – at least – one-fourth of it. But what can I do? Am I giving up already? Should I call myself a loser? Should I just jump over the bridge and ask for the gracious Lord to save me? These are the questions that push and pull me everyday of my life.

One thing that keeps me strong – is the faith that God will give me what I deserved if I remain faithful. However, Did I remain faithful? Did I let myself indulge in his mercy? Or I embraced the worldly facet?

Too many questions for a hopeful like me and only daydreaming alleviates me.

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posted by Yesha Gee at Tuesday, February 27, 2007-
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from ~~~~~~~~

You told Your close followers
who were taught how to seek the Father's heart
that whatever they asked for in prayer,
that they were to believe they received it
and it would be theirs. (Mark 11:24)

O, Father, help me to know Your heart intimately
so that I'll know how to pray,
what to pray,
and believe in advance
that I will receive it!

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